


How To Save A Life

by clusterfuck



Category: Pearlmethyst - Fandom, Steven Universe - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Fluff, Other, PTSD, Suicide Attempt, like hella fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-09
Packaged: 2018-05-05 20:57:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,864
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5390060
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/clusterfuck/pseuds/clusterfuck
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl needs to be saved... From herself...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

In the barriers of a cluttered room, found under the bright disfigured pile of trash, is Amethyst- sleeping on her tattered mattress. Usually this time of night the temple is quiet. Garnet is off doing whatever it is she does, Pearl is organizing her swords in her room, and Steven is asleep. The only sound left is the occasional sounds of rats that have made themselves a home in her room.

But this night was different. 

The mattress under her begins to vibrate, shaking her awake and massive piles of garbage begin to sway. 

"What the..?" Her voice is course, from being dreary, and now being slightly alarmed. 

Looking off to the water, she finds that most of the motion is coming from it. Splashing- and showering her room. The rumbles seem to be getting more violent with each passing minute, and Amethyst begins to feel her artificial heart pound in her chest, and ring through her ears. This seems to be coming from Pearl's room. 

Worries quickly flood her head. Could it be one of the corrupted gems had escaped? Or worse? The anxiety does not keep her from diving into the water with great urgency, and with a mixture of the impact and the vibrations causes a massive wave.

When she reaches the surface- her eyes have trouble adjusting to the light, which is flickering continuously. She swims blindly towards Pearls post in panic- yelling her name between gulps of water that keeps finding its way to her mouth. She can feel the vibrations in the water rattling her body. 

Her eyes finally adjust- and what she sees before her is terrifying.

A large gun-like machine dominates the room, and it shakes the whole platform with ominous flickering. She quickly shifts her eyes to search for any signs of Pearl. The tip of the gun now starts to light up as well, and then she finally sees her.. Right in the guns path.. Her lovely silhouette, laying down on her knees in surrender. Amethyst heart drops when she realizes that it was pointing directly to Pearls gem. However, she does not budge, but seems to be allowing it to destroy her. 

Now she understands. 

The buzzing becomes louder- and light pierces through her eyes. 

A beam begins to emerge, with giant mechanical whirl. 

"NO!"

With a frantic leap, Amethyst jumps to the platform- landing in great timing. Using all of her weight, she slams into Pearl, witch pushes her away right before the laser slammed into her pathway. This causes a tremendous destruction; the heat turns most of the water into vapor with impact. 

For a moment, it was only the sound of their shaky breathing. The water around them still creating ripples in the surface- and the machine itself begins to seemingly shut itself down. Amethyst remained on the ground and letting the water soak around her. She can hear the sound of Pearl quietly sobbing behind her, as she remains on the floor as well. When Amethyst finally gets up she watches as Pearls fragile body lies limply in the water, occasionally shaking and whimpering. Out of all the continuous times she has seen her upset, this is by far the worse.

She can't believe that Pearl did this to herself.. That she must have built the machine with every intention of self harm. No. Self destruction. 

"What.. The hell Pearl.." she begins, feeling a burn of anger within her that she can't put out. She slowly pulls herself up from the water.

Another moment of silence follows.

"How COULD you!" 

The burn begins to take full control of Amethyst body. 

"Look at me when I'm talking to you!"

Pearl then shifts her head slightly- only enough to see one blue pupil rise above her arm, in which she kept most of her face buried in. She is shaking, still. Laying in the water like a wounded animal. 

"SIT UP!" Amethyst snaps

Weakly, Pearl begins to lift herself. This seems to be a strangely difficult job for such a strong gem. When she finally sits, she looks like she is barely being held together. Her face was almost unrecognizable- carved with pain. Her arms tremble beneath her. However, despite Amethyst's previous requests, she keeps her head down. Avoiding eye contact.

"Look. At. Me." this time she speaks through her teeth, trying to keep her anger contained and failing. 

"I.. I'm sorry.." Pearls voice is small and weak. She slowly lifts her eyes to meet Amethyst's. What was once a lively blue in her eyes seemed to be replaced by a dull, lifeless grey. 

"How could you do this to yourself? How could you do this to US? I thought we were a TEAM!" 

Nothing can keep her contained now- anger and sadness find its way to the lump of her throat. She continues to look into Pearls eyes, which were pleading for mercy. Amethyst knew that she shouldn't be yelling at her while she was in this state. But she continued to yell, anyways.

"What about me? What about Garnet? What about STEVEN? Do you have any idea how heartbroken we would be?" She takes a deep breath- trying to hold in her last statement, but it falls out of her mouth. "After losing Rose, you wanna go ahead and die on us too?!" 

Pearl then curls into herself, weeping loudly. She cannot keep herself together anymore and her body begins to go limp again. An ache rises in Amethyst's chest as remorse soon follows. She cannot stand to see her like this, and hates herself for making the situation worse. 

"Ah, geez. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have yelled.." Amethyst looks to her crumbling friend, whose sobs did not stop in response to the apology. In fact, they only get louder. 

"C'mon Pearl. Come here." Amethyst holds out her arms, as Pearl dives into them. She's still trembling in her embrace- sobs and hiccups occasionally rising from her throat as she begins to whisper "I'm sorry.. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry" over and over into Amethyst's neck. 

They sat like that for awhile- Amethyst waiting for the sobbing to calm down, so that they could talk in a calm matter. 

"Im sorry too.. I just don't know what I would do without you, P." she finally says, running her fingers through Pearls hair. There's a lump in her throat that she cannot swallow- when she tries- tears form into her eyes. She wanted to stay strong for Pearl, but she lost against her own body. Eventually she let the warm tears have their way- and they dripped from her cheeks.

Hugging the thin gem tighter, she begins to sob as well. Burrowing sadness erupted out of her and there was no stopping it. And for a while their was nothing but the sound of their soft cries- sniffling and occasional sighs echoing the room. 

Eventually Pearl grabs Amethyst's face and wipes her tears with her slender thumbs. It seems that she is more calm- yet she appears hollow. Almost lifeless. This was not the neat gem she knew- because every part of her was torn and tattered. Etches of exhaustion and sadness are carved into her pale face- and the red in her eyes make her blue pupils electric, making Amethyst's heart flutter when they reach eye contact. Regardless of her condition, she was still beautiful. 

And of course, from acknowledging Pearls beauty, Amethyst continues to cry. Frustrated- she pushes Pearls fragile frame away from her, and begins tugging at her own hair. 

"UGH.." She whines, pulling her hair tighter and shutting her eyes, not wanting to look at Pearl anymore as she continues.  
"I'm just.. I'm so freaking MAD at you.. I.." 

Amethyst doesn't handle emotions well- and was being crushed by all of them at once. She no longer knew how to feel, or act. 

"I don't want to LOSE you, damn it!" Amethyst finally finishes, pulling her hair even harder then crying into her hands. 

"Amethyst I know you're mad at me.." Her voice is almost static- breaking as she speaks "but please.. Please let me hold you.." 

Pearl weakly holds her arms out, desperate. Tears zig zag across her face and her arms tremble as she whispers "please.."

Amethyst peaks through her hands- and the scene before her makes her heart ache. The arms that for a moment were held up (barely) have now sunk down, and her fragile head hung low in defeat. Slowly, she scoots forward and allows herself to fall back into Pearls embrace. 

The long arms around her hold on tightly, and could feel a hand rubbing her back. It soothes her nerves and eventually the anger inside her resides. 

"You're not going to lose me, okay?" Pearl cries "I'm sorry you had to see that.."

Amethyst begins to cry harder as she mumbles, "Please don't ever do this again.. Please.. Please don't leave me.." 

"I won't.. I'm sorry.." she chokes in response, intertwining her thin fingers in Amethyst's hair. The only sound left in the temple now was their soft reassurances, and the once loud vibration from the machine turned into a quiet hum.

Amethyst thought back to Garnet. She knew it was her responsibility to tell her what had happened because, without a doubt, there would be no way to get through this turmoil without her. Both Pearl and Amethyst needed her guidance. Especially now. 

Knowing Pearl, she wouldn't be happy about it. But there would be no way of hiding the obvious. She knew that the next few days weren't going to be easy.. And that both Pearl and herself were going to need time before things went back to normal. 

"You know I have to tell Garnet, right?" Amethyst's voice remained soft, trying not to startle her. 

Pearl then pulls back, her eyes were wide with panic. 

"N-no. Please, Amethyst. No."

"What do you mean no?! This is important! What's wrong with you?"

"Why do you have to tell her?! Obviously I'm alive, so why does it even matter?"

Disgusted, Amethyst takes firmly hold of Pearl by the shoulders. Her voice is no longer soft- but angry and coarse. 

"Why does it matter?!" she spat "Because we're a TEAM. I know that you and Rose used to keep secrets or whatever.. But not us!"

Another moment of silence crashes over them- Pearl looks defeated. Shaking her head in disapproval.

It seems as though her temper had slipped, once again. She takes a moment to close her eyes and breathe; she doesn't want to make Pearl cry anymore. The sound has become nothing but painful.

"And I promise that Steven will never find out, okay? We will make sure of that.. But we need to get through this.. Together.."

Pearl lays her head back on Amethyst's shoulder and nods hesitantly. "Im too tired to fight with you." she mumbles. "Do what you will.."

This response was almost too easy, it was almost startling. In this condition there would be no way she could be on her own. Pearl needed to be protected.. From herself.. 

"Then let me take care of you these next couple days.." Amethyst requests, holding her tighter. The skin beneath her feel like they do not even contained muscle; like a hollow shell of skin and bone, that was cold to the touch. Not only did this not look like her Pearl, but she did not look like her, sound like her, or feel like her. As much as Amethyst would hate to admit, she was scared. She feared for her friends life- and frightened by the way she already felt.. Lifeless..

"I want to make sure you're okay before you are left alone again.. Please.. It would make me feel better.." She continues to request- but now it sounds more like a plea. 

Pearl just nods again, limply. Amethyst wants to show her that everything is going to be alright; to show her that she's cared for and ultimately cherished. So she picks the damp lanky gem from off the floor and carries her into her room.

\----

With the limp gem in her arms- she arrises out of the water. She finds herself breathing hard, emotionally and physically exhausted. Pearl still hasn't moved since she had been picked up. Her arms loosely drape around Amethyst's neck, and her eyes stay closed, and still. 

"I know you don't like the mess.." Amethyst begins, walking through her room with an almost lifeless Pearl in her arms. "And things are a little wet from your.. Escapade.. But you're gonna have to deal with it." 

She then gently lays Pearl down on her mattress. 

"And.. Erm.. Watch out for rats.." She mumbles, actually hoping Pearl wouldn't hear her. 

She scratches the back of her head, and nervously looks around the room for any signs of them- then looks back down at her disheveled friend. 

"Uh, P? You should phase into some dry clothes.." 

Without even lifting an eyelid, Pearl does as she's told. Amethyst then puts a blanket around her and climbs onto the mattress herself. She pulls the pale gem towards her, letting her arms make themselves comfortable around her waist. That lump in her throat rises again as she reflects on the previous events. She was more grateful then ever to have Pearl in her arms. Her voice, her smell, her laugh; so many precious things she took for granted. So many things she would have missed if she hadn't been there to stop the suicide. 

She then notices Pearl open her eyes, slowly. Her eyelids weakly hung over her pupils- projecting themselves back at the other gem. She doesn't speak, but let's her eyes speak for her. They make it evident how much pain she truly was in. 

"I thought you were getting better.." Amethyst mumbles "You're so much stronger than this.. What happened?"

She could feel Pearl sigh against her, hot breath gracing her chest. She probably shouldn't have asked.. But she had to know. 

"I've lived for thousands and thousands of years, Amethyst.." she replies "Sometimes I feel like I've lived long enough.. I get.. Tired.."

Another sigh is released from her lips, and this time the warm breath that escapes leaves chills on Amethyst's skin, as she reflects on her response. 

"I know there's more to it, P. You're sugar coating it."

"You wouldn't understand.." she replies, shaking her head. 

"I want to understand!" Amethyst grabs the sides of Pearls face, forcing their eyes to meet. "Stop pushing me away, Pearl. You've been doing this ever since Rose left." 

She feels herself choking up again. Her face becomes flush and overwhelmed; tears return as she continues. She knows she losing control- and she tries to remain gentle. 

For many years previous to this, Pearl had always brushed off the important questions. She only provided unconvincing reassurance- even when her internal suffering was obvious. Many times she had claimed to be "fine" when the rest of the gems knew better than that. But this time, it was serious. And Amethyst wasn't going to let her suffer alone anymore. 

"I just want to help! That's all I've ever wanted to do. And I know I can if you'd just let me in!" 

Amethyst then grabs Pearls hand gently, to show that she's being sincere- aware of her own tendency to come off as brash. She graces the back of her hand with her thumb as she tries to make the tears stop, and keeps her eye on the fragile hand. She doesn't want to see the way Pearl must be looking at her right now..

"I just want to be as important to you as Rose.. and Garnet.. and Steven.." Might as well confess it now, she figures.

"Oh, Amethyst. You are!" Pearl cries, squeezing her hand. "You're so important.. And I'm sorry.. I'm sorry that I pushed you away.." her voice cracks "I didn't mean to.."

Amethyst finally gathers the strength to look back into her eyes, which were now again red and swollen. 

"I.. I just never wanted you to see me like this.." She continues "I wanted to be the gem that you could look up to." 

Sighing again- she hesitantly adds, "and so much for that.. You probably think I'm a mess.." 

"Yeah.. You are kind of a mess.." Amethyst teases with a slight smile; wiping the tears from Pearls face with her own shaking hands. "But I've always looked up to you."

"Y-... What?"

"Oh come on, P. Remember when we were younger?! I was always bugging you to teach me stuff. I wanted to be just like you.. I thought you were so cool." she admits with a blush. "I still do."

Pearl blushes too, and a small smile lifts from the corners of her mouth. During this whole encounter- this was the first time she had smiled. However, tears were still dripping from her face. 

"We're not that different- you and I.. We're both.." Amethyst is hesitant to use the word, because it's difficult to admit, for the both of them. 

However, Pearl isn't hesitant and completes the sentence for her. 

"Defective.." Her pale eyelids sink over her pupils again. 

"Well yeah." Amethyst swallows hard, wondering how she was going to continue her statement. "Sometimes I feel awful about it.. Ya know? Like I'm not strong enough.." Admitting this puts a dent her pride for a moment, but is quickly resurrected. "But then I look at you, and how strong you've become. I want to be as strong as you, one day. You make me feel like I can be." 

Her grip tightens- as they meet each others eyes once again. Amethyst can't recall the last time they've been this close. She wants to say what she can, because there was no telling when the next opportunity will be. Pearl may just shut her out again in the future.. but she hopes this time around, things will be different. 

"No matter what you do, Pearl. I still see the strong gem warrior that I've always known." She continues "You have every right to break down once in a while, okay? You've been through a lot. But you don't have to be ALONE in this because I am right HERE." She shakes Pearls hand as she speaks for emphasis. "Let me help you.." 

"I.. Never knew you thought so highly of me.." Pearl says quietly.

"Of course I do, P. You're my best friend."

"I-I am?" 

Amethyst can't help but to laugh. 

"But what about Garnet? Or Vadalia?" Pearl asks, hesitantly. "Surly they.."

"Vadalia and I hardly talk anymore. And of course Garnet is the homie, for sure. But Ruby and Sapphire are best friends. They have each other." Amethyst squeezes the frigid pale hand that is intertwined with hers and adds, "And I have you."

A moment of silence passes through them once again; it's broken by Amethyst giggling again. "I told you this, when we were younger."

"I remember that actually," Pearl blushes, and looks down at her fingers. "But I didn't think I held that position anymore."

"Well ya do." Amethyst reassures. "I know I'm a little rough with you sometimes.. But how else am I supposed to get your attention?" 

A giggle chimes through the room, but this time it's coming from Pearl. It was the most beautiful and reassuring sound; and lightened the heavy tension. 

"Me too" she says, still giggling. She adds with a shrug, "it works every time."

"You could just ask me to hang out or something ya know.." Amethyst teases, rolling her eyes. "Instead of nagging me all the time."

"Oh ho ho and YOU could just ask me to hang out, too." Pearl is still giggling, and it fills Amethyst with joy. "Instead of acting like a messy little pest to get my attention." 

She is thankful that the tears are finally gone from both of their faces; and now they are laughing, still hand in hand. 

"I also just like messing with you." Amethyst shrugs "its fun." 

To prove her point she begins poking Pearl's nose, grinning as she watches her face scrunch up with annoyance. "HAHAHA you get so feisty!"

"OH KNOCK IT OFF!" Pearl shoos Amethyst away playfully. 

The laughter released all of the tension from their bodies- things almost felt normal again, for just a moment. More than normal actually. It felt like old times. Before Rose had died, and created emotional detachment and barriers between them. 

"I would have really missed you, ya know.." 

"I know.. I'm sorry.." 

"We.. We should talk more.. This is nice." Amethyst admits. 

"I promise I'll spend more time with you." Pearl says as she wraps her arms around Amethyst, making herself comfortable with her head against the purple gem's chest. "I won't let you slip away again." She adds, in a whisper. 

"Well no worries. We're going to be seeing a lot of each other the next few days, because I'm not letting you out of my sight." 

Amethyst notices that there is no response. She looks down at her chest to see Pearl, who is peacefully asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

A few hours have passed, and Pearl is still passed out. Amethyst can barely close her eyes- because every time she does, the whole scene plays before her again. Bright flashes and loud splashes return to her memory. Rumbles from the machine still seem to be shaking her. And she remembers the helpless silhouette- bowing in surrender. Sometimes she holds Pearl a little bit tighter as she goes through periods of heartaches. 

What's going on in her mind, however, is worse. Sounds of splashing echo in her ears. She can hear her own voice in her head, screaming Pearls name. Pleading for a response. Expecting the worse. And the worse is exactly what she found.

But at least she was there. At least she was able to stop it. She reminds herself that it's all that matters. 

She promises herself that she will never take Pearl for granted again. To approach her with kindness, instead of hostility. To protect her at any cost. 

There would have been so much to miss. Her smile, her singing, her laughter, her dancing. She would even miss the excessive nagging, or the cute attitude she gets whenever she was proven wrong. (Which wasn't often.) 

Suddenly she feels the limp gem slightly move in her hold- and thin fingers begin caressing her gem. A soft sniff arises. Pearl must be awake. 

"Hey, you up?" She whispers, figuring she could use the company. Laying in silence was only making things worse- her mind was taking over her body. 

"Yeah.." Pearl replies, quietly. 

She then scoots down- so they could face each other. Amethyst was still holding her, very close. Looking at her face still sends a wave of pain throughout her body. Not only because of her undeniable beauty, but the disheveled way she was being held together. So she buries her head in the gape of Pearl's neck, indulging in the embrace with hopes that it would ease her heartache. But she was wrong. The smell of her skin and the lightness of her touch only makes her reimagine the scenario. Unintentionally, she whimpers.

"Amethyst? You alright?"

"No.." 

Removing her face from her neck, she hesitantly looks back into Pearl's eyes, which now look concerned. 

"I can't sleep.." Amethyst begins. "I can't stop thinking about.." She shuts her eyes tightly, because even by the mention of it, it feels as though the water has returned from her ears, and the screams have revisited her throat. All she can see, with her eyes shut, are repetitive lights flickering before her once again. 

"I.." Continuing her statement was difficult. Her mouth was dry with anxiety. "You really scared me today.."

"I know.." Pearl admits. "I scare myself, sometimes.. I'm sorry.." She begins rubbing her eyes with her pale fingers- lowering her head.

The last thing Amethyst wants is to see Pearl cry again. Frantically, she tries to think of something to make her smile. She would do anything. 

"Aw Peanut, please don't cry." She pleads, rubbing the gems back. It was difficult trying to comfort her- when she could barely comfort herself. But if she could pull a smile, just one smile, from Pearl's lips- then perhaps she could sleep peacefully tonight. 

"Hey.. Hey come on now.." Amethyst wipes the tears from Pearl's face; and there are many. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel worse. I shouldn't have said anything." 

"It's fine.." Pearl replies, wiping the remaining tears with the back of her hand and taking a long breath in. "I'm fine." 

Amethyst is more than aware that this is a lie- and that she is far from fine. However, the crying had stopped and she was grateful for that at the least. She continues to look at the depressive gem, who looks empty and expressionless. Feeling obligated, she desperately tries to think of something to make Pearl feel better. 

Then she has an idea. 

"Will you be okay if I went in the kitchen real quick? I'll be right back." 

And those eyes did nothing in response to the question. They didn't even look at her- and just kept off in the distance. Truth is, Amethyst was beginning to panic. 

"Pearl, please answer me. You're kinda freaking me out." she pleads. 

"Hmm?" She finally responds, and looks up at her friend with weary disposition. "Oh, yes. Yes of course. I'll be okay."

"Alright. DON'T clean my room while I'm gone."

Pearl just nods her head- which is not her usual response to this request. Amethyst sighs, feeling hopeless. She noticed that the blanket had been kicked off to the side, so she takes it and drapes it over her saddened teammate. Without even thinking about it she plants a kiss on her cheek. Her skin feels cold and smooth under her lips. 

Her face feels hot now, and she looks to Pearl who also looks quite surprised. Now she knows she needs to get out of there. Fast. Simply because she's not good with tension. 

"Uh.." Amethyst stammers. "Yeah so I'll be back. Stay right here." 

Pearl now only looks at her, blushing from the recent contact, her tears were less consistent now and Amethyst's heart begins to sink. Staring into those eyes makes her feel as though she's losing her sanity. 

"Don't worry Amethyst." She reassures. "Really." 

With this great reassurance- Amethyst turns around and walks as quickly as she could out of the room.

When she enters the kitchen, she could hear Steven playing video games up in his room. She exhales a sigh of relief knowing that she could really use the young boys company right now. 

"Yo Ste Man!"

Steven stops fiddling with the controller for a moment, smiling at Amethyst as he does so. His smile was like a breath of fresh air- and she feels as though she can finally breathe again. 

Confused for a moment, she looks to the clock. It's 3:00 in the morning. 

"What are you doing up this late kid?"

"I'm trying to unlock this secret level!" Steven explains enthusiastically. 

"Well come down here." She motions him to the kitchen. "Help me make some tea." 

Amethyst starts searching through the cupboard frantically. It hasn't been to long since the last time she made Pearl a cup of tea- but she just can't seem to remember where the tea bags were. She groans in frustration as Steven joyously skips down the stairs. 

"Since when do you drink tea?" The young boy giggles, knowing that Amethyst only usually enjoyed things that she could drink by the gallon. Her simply sipping a cup of tea would be a silly sight. 

"Oh, uh.." She peeks at the boy over her shoulder. There were so many things going on that she simply couldn't explain to him. "It's not for me."

"You're looking in the wrong place." Steven explains- opening up the drawer behind him, exposing many color varieties of tea bags. "Who's it for?"

Amethyst rolls her eyes. "It's for Pearl. Duh. Who else likes this junk?"

"It's not bad." The boy shrugs, searching through the assorted bags. "I know just the one she likes too." He then hands her the brightest tea bag of the bunch. 

"Thanks Steven." She smiles at him, and proceeds scrabbling through the cupboard again, now looking for a tea pot. Her mind was so cluttered that it was hard to keep her focus on anything. She couldn't help but to be worried about Pearl being by herself. Worries now begin to rattle her brain as she begins grunting angrily over her breath. 

"Here I got it." And of course, Steven already had the tea pot sitting on the stove. He gets a cup out in preparation. Amethyst sighs and sits herself on the counter. 

"Why are you making Pearl tea so late?" He asks, while sitting himself next to Amethyst. "Is she okay?"

"I don't think so buddy." She admits. Thinking back to those empty eyes and that hollow face that was once radiant with beauty and light. 

"What's wrong is she sick?" Steven now looks concerned. 

"In a way.. I guess.." Amethyst knows she can't tell him what really happened. It would break his heart, and it would break Pearl's heart if he knew. Despite his maturity, he was simply too young to process such a terrible concept. Especially after losing his mother. 

Steven now looks worried, looking down at the floor. Amethyst wishes she could tell him everything and open up to him, because there is an eternal suffering within herself ever since she walked in on that horrible scene. To further elaborate- she tries to pass it off as one of Pearl's "usual" depressive episodes. 

"You know how she gets." She shrugs. "I hate it. I wish there was more I can give to her than a lame cup of tea.." 

"You really love her, don't you?" 

Amethyst chuckles a little at the question, and suddenly feels embraced. "You don't even know kid." She buries her head in her hands with great frustration and continues to chuckle- because it relieves all of the tension and pain from her body. "I love her so much."

"Like the way Ruby loves Sapphire?" He asks hesitantly.

Amethyst wishes he wouldn't have asked that. She had worked so hard for so many years to push that very concept away, though it always existed. Tonight made it even more difficult to deny. Every time she had held her or even looked at her, it all came rushing back to her past the point of denial. And almost losing her made her realize that she loved her even more than she previously thought. 

She had already been untruthful with Steven tonight, so she figures she might as well just be honest with him, and herself. 

"Yeah.." She replies somberly. "Kinda.." 

"Awwww" Steven is now starry eyed- smiling and swinging his feet back and forth excitedly. "I knewwww it!" 

"How?!"

"Oh come on. It's obvious." He giggles. "Plus you're making her tea at three in the morning."

Good point. Although Steven doesn't understand the crippling sadness that she's truly experiencing. It was far beyond her own comprehension as well. 

Amethyst realized that this is the first time she had told anyone about this. It's adorable seeing Steven's reaction, but she herself cannot stand her own feelings. Her stomach begins to feel sick by her own acceptance of the situation. 

"Yeah well don't get too excited.." She scoffs. "It's not like she feels the same way.." 

"How do you know?" He tilts his head in confusion. 

"She's too hung up on your mom." She spits- suddenly engulfed in jealousy. 

"But my mom is gone!"

This statement stings the atmosphere and they both sit in silence for a moment. "It doesn't matter Steven." Amethyst sighs. 

"But it does!" Steven throws his hands up for emphasis. 

"No it DOESN'T." She snaps, now unable to keep herself contained. Frustration pulsated through her and it finds a way to the corners of her eyes. "She's always going to love Rose, okay? She will NEVER move on." 

"But you don't know that!" Steven exclaims, now jumping off the counter and grabbing Amethyst by both of her hands. "Maybe if she finds love again, she won't be so hung up on my mom. And she won't be so.. Sad.." 

She now looks back at Steven, fighting off the tears that have taken control. His hopeful face restored a little faith as she reflects on his last statement. Amethyst knows what he's saying is true. 

"I could never tell her how I feel." She admits now, putting her head back down in defeat. 

"Why not?" 

"I just can't! I.." She takes a big breath in, letting the frustration subside. "I'm just not good with these things, okay? I don't want to get hurt." 

The emotional turmoil is brutally interrupted by the whistle of the tea pot- streams of hot smoke whirling out of it. Amethyst sighs, remembering that after all this, she has to go back and see Pearl. She buries her head back into the palm of her hand and groans. 

"Don't worry, I got it." Steven offers. He makes his way to the tea pot and begins pouring the hot water into the cup. 

"Hey uh.." Amethyst raises her head from her hands to look directly at Steven, who is now looking back at her. "Don't tell anyone about this okay?"

"I won't." He replies, smiling keenly and proceeds to drop the tea bag in the cup. "I think you should tell her, though."

"I'm sorry Steven." She shakes her head vigorously. "I just can't."

His smile then sinks into a disappointed frown. "Well I think you two would be great together."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah!" He exclaims, handing her the cup. "When you two aren't bickering, you make a great team!" 

"Yeah. I think so too." Amethyst smiles faintly- a blush rising to her cheeks. She can't believe she's actually talking to someone about this. "I'll think about telling her.. Eventually.. Maybe.." She shrugs. "I'll let you know."

"Well you better get that to her before it gets cold." Steven grins from ear to ear- in result, making Amethyst grin too. His smiles were always so contagious. She was beyond thankful that they had this talk. 

"Alright. Thanks for your help bud." She hold off the counter and swings in for a one armed hug- holding the mug on the other hand. 

"No problem!" Steven gives her a warm hug back. "Oh and uh, don't tell Pearl I was up this late. She'll be mad." 

Amethyst hangs her head back and laughs. It's true. She most definitely would be mad. "Ahh don't worry I won't say anything." She starts heading back to the door and calls out, "but don't stay up too late!"

The door closes- and she is in her room once again. A fluttering erupts in her stomach as she holds the mugs tightly in her hands. Taking a deep breath, she heads for the bed where Pearl is still laying motionless. 

"Hey P." She greets nervously as she sits down on the bed next to Pearl. "Sit up. I brought you something." 

Lazily, she sits up as Amethyst hands her the cup. She smiles down at it, then back to her. 

"Oh, Amethyst. You're so thoughtful." She returns the physical affection from before, and kisses the purple gem on the cheek muttering a quiet "thank you" afterwards.  
Her cheeks were now on fire.

"Don't sweat it." She replies, placing her hand on the cheek where Pearl's lips had just made contact, trying to suppress the blushing. 

"Steven wasn't staying up and playing video games, was he?" Pearl asks as she sips her tea with one eyebrow raised. Of course she would ask this. Despite her emotional destruction- her motherly instincts were always sharp. 

"Nah. He was sleepin' like a baby." She responds nervously. 

"Is that so?" Now both of her eyebrows were raised, with great suspicion. "That's funny because Steven is the only one who knows my favorite tea." 

Oops. 

"I just picked the most colorful one." Amethyst shrugs, struggling to pull this off. 

"Amethystttttt." Pearl is now narrowing her eyes at her. There was no getting past this one now. 

"Alright yeah. But cut him some slack will ya? He's just a kid."

Pearl huffs as she takes another drink, still narrowing her eyes. She then puts down the cup besides the bed and mutters "fine, I suppose I'll let it slide this time."

"You didn't tell him what happened, did you?" Her look of anger now melted into sadness and shame. 

"No Pearl, of course not." Amethyst reassures, putting her arm around the other. "I wouldn't want him to know either. Trust me."

The moment after this one is uncomfortably silent. Amethyst can't stop thinking about what Steven said. Could she possibly make her happy? And if she could, would Pearl even let her? There are so many questions she wants answers to- but is too afraid to ask. 

"I'm glad you found me." Pearl admits- her eyes turning into a glossy red. "I.. Don't know what I was thinking." 

"I'm glad I found you too.." She replies, swallowing hard. "I don't know what you were thinking either." 

From underneath her arm, she can feel Pearl start to shake. With great urgency she throws her arms around Amethyst and holds her tightly. Now she begins to tremble. Despite the circumstances, it feels good to have the gem in her arms once again. She holds her in a way they could be face-to-face. 

"You saved me.." Pearls voice shatters the silence like glass. She could feel hot tears dripping onto her shoulder. 

"Yeah well.." Amethyst is losing her grip- because Pearl's eyes are the closest they've ever been, and they are staring into her. She can only see pools of blue. "I kinda like having you around." She teases, smoothing out the thick tension. 

"Hmmm" Pearls chuckles. "Is that so?" She can now feel her smiling against her skin, and it gives Amethyst chills. 

Amethyst chuckles back, preferring the playful atmosphere. That- and she finally got Pearl to smile.

But her smile doesn't last- and fades back to melancholy. She keeps her eyes locked on Amethyst as she pulls back- occasionally twirling her fingers through the long strands of white hair, which was relaxing. There is no longer chaos when she shuts her eyelids. The only thing she can think about is the smile she finally earned from the other.

"Hey.." Amethyst begins. "I have an idea."

Pearl stops playing with her hair for a moment- and went completely still, setting her full attention on the tired pair of eyes before her, while her own eyes were soft. She seems to be deep in thought now, and also hesitant. 

"What is it?" 

"Let's go to the beach!" Amethyst stands up with excitement. It had been as sad as it was boring laying down and being depressed all night. She was an a mission; but unlike their usual missions, this one was made sorely to make Pearl feel content. 

However Pearl grunts at the idea- crossing her arms and shaking her head. "I'm too tired tonight."

"HA." Amethyst makes her voice high pitched in a mimicking tone. "Gems don't neeeeed sleep. Blah, blah, blah. What happened to that?"

"We don't!" Pearl snaps back. "I'm.. Just not feeling up to it, that's all." 

"Ohhhhh come onnnnn." She grabs her hands- pulling her up from the bed and making her stand up. "It'll be fun."

Defeated, Pearl rolls her eyes- and then glares down at Amethyst. "Fine. It'll be better than arguing with you all night."

"Oh don't be like that." She places a hand in the small of the gems back and begins pushing her towards the door. "We're gonna have fun, dammit." 

When they reach the front door the air outside is cool and crisp. Even in the summer time, Beach City always had the oceans air to chill the atmosphere. They looked out into the sea, where lazy waves slowly made their way to the shore. 

Both the gems remained quiet as they made their way to the sand. Once in a while Amethyst would look up at Pearl, who still appeared to be lethargic and unimpressed. She would then look down at her feet in disappointment. All of this effort was for her- and she barely budged. This was extremely disheartening.

As an effort for a reaction, or some sort of reassurance, and maybe simply for satisfaction purposes Amethyst brushes her hand against Pearl's- hesitant to make contact. Her heart begins to beat at a concerning speed when she finally intertwines her fingers with hers and even more so when Pearl complies, she lightly squeezes her hand in response. 

When they finally reach the surface, Amethyst finds a comfortable spot in the sand. It was high enough to see the ocean stretch out on the horizon, and high enough to scope the blanket of stars that splattered against the night sky. She takes a deep breath in. Just for a second she felt all of the sorrow that the day had given her slip away. That is until she looks at Pearl who is still standing, and no longer holding her hand. She crosses her arms and looks out to the sea looking as though she was about to cry once again. 

"Sit with me will ya?" Amethyst requests, patting the sand next to her. 

"It's much to sandy to sit." Pearl snarls in response. "I'd rather stand, thank you."

Rolling her eyes, Amethyst grabs her by the waist and forces her to sit. "For one night," she begins "can you not be so stubborn?" Trying to wing off the frustration- she lets go of Pearl's waist in fear that she may crush her. Then she retreats into her hair to hide her expression. She simply wanted to sit out on the beach with her friend and try to forget about everything that happened; and was tired of it being difficult. 

Pearl now looks at her, offended at first, and then back to melancholy. She hugs her knees up to her chest and takes her eyes back to the horizon. 

"Ah, geez." Amethyst is enraged that she allowed her emotions get out of control again. "I'm sorry. I'm just really trying okay?"

"Trying to what?" Now she is once again interested enough to take her eyes away from the ocean. 

"I'm trying to make you happy Pearl!" Amethyst confesses. "It's frustrating! I just don't know what to do!"

"Oh, Amethyst." A smile suddenly appears on her face. That precious smile that had been anticipated all throughout the night. "You do make me happy.. In fact, I've been very much enjoying your company tonight." She adds with a blush. "I'm sorry if it seems like I haven't been.." 

Amethyst is suddenly relieved. All this effort has had an effect after all, and she can't help but to smile herself. Just to be sure she asks "really?"

"Of course!" Pearl reassures, and it appears as though she is at a more relaxed state of mind as she continues. "You are always there for me Amethyst. And when I'm with you.." She looks away once more- with a look of comfort as she finishes her sentence. "I feel like I'm going to be alright."

That was everything Amethyst had ever wished to accomplish. In this moment she felt invincible; like she was strong once again. More so, she felt like a winner who went home with the best prize. 

"What I'm going through is beyond anyone's comprehension- including my own." Pearl continues- still fixated on the horizon. "And I will tell you what it is. I'm just not ready to talk about it right now.. I hope you can understand.."

"Yeah, P. I get it." Amethyst really is curious though. She wanted to know more than anything what was tearing up her loved one so much inside. Could it be the obvious? She must at least ask.

"But at least tell me this." She begins with hesitance. "I-is this about Rose?" Her heart begins to rattle in anticipation, surly this would hurt if she knew that she would still give up her own life for Rose.. Even when she wasn't around. However, Pearl's answer is not what is expected. 

"No.. It's not about her.." She explains, shaking her head slowly. 

What could it possibly be then? Amethyst bites her lip, understanding that this was going to take time, and she didn't want to ask any more questions. Instead she offers support.

"Well whatever it is.." Amethyst begins as she holds her hand out to Pearl, who then takes it and links her fragile fingers with hers. "We're going to get through it.. Together.."

"Yeah.." Pearl responds with a smile- squeezing Amethyst's hand. "Together.."  
She looks beautiful under this light- the ocean breeze was lightly tossing the edges of her hair. Amethyst wanted nothing more than to lean in and kiss her (at this angle, it wouldn't be difficult) but she doesn't want to overwhelm the gem. She simply smiles back. 

Feeling tired now, she tugs her friend by the hand so they could both lay in the sand- still linked together. Both of them lay in silence for a while. Surly there was a lot to be reflected on, and much to think about. 

Often times both of them felt small. The were incomparable to this world, a simple speck in a sky full of stars. But in this moment- Amethyst didn't care about that. Not now. In fact, she was okay with being small, just as long as she meant something to Pearl. 

These thoughts trailed along for a while. She wondered what was upsetting Pearl, what she could do for her, and if things were really going to be okay. Sometimes she would look over at her friend and wonder what she was thinking about; maybe she was wondering some of the same things. Pearl kept her eyes to the stars- looking mesmerized and deep in thought. Perhaps she was thinking about homeworld. But who would know exactly what was going on in that mind of hers? To soothe her own brain, Amethyst asks Pearl to tell her about all the constellations. Knowing that she would begin a tangent that would full the quiet space for quite possibly the rest of the night. 

And to that request, just as she expected, Pearl's face lights up. Quickly she began to describe legends behind the constellations, becoming especially enthusiastic about Greek mythology. Amethyst simply watched, finding her enthusiasm adorable. She didn't even need to listen that closely for she was merely entertained by Pearl's hand motions as she pointed out each of the constellations by name. And by the comfort of the atmosphere, the chime of her voice, the blanket of stars, and the calm crashing of the tide both of the gems lulled to sleep on the shore. 

Still hand-in-hand.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic will have many chapters. Follow @birdmoms-universe on tumblr for updates. ;)


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